Editor’s Note: This is the first of a six part series written in 2009 by Publisher Suzie Campbell regarding her personal story with Domestic Violence.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) says that 85 percent of the domestic violence victims are women, and one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. I was one of those four.
The NCADV describes domestic violence as the willful intimidation, physical assault, batter, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another. Domestic abuse often goes unnoticed and unreported until it is too late. Oklahoma ranks fourth in the nation for reported domestic abuse, with more than 23,000 cases reported in 2008 and seventh nationally for the number of women murdered by men.
I could go on and on about the statistics, but recently I had a young woman tell me her husband said when he hit her, it didn’t count if he didn’t leave a mark. WRONG! It counts every time you put her down, every time you threaten her, and every time you put your hands on her in anger.
The effects of domestic violence, whether physical or mental, do leave marks. It leaves scars that may never completely heal and will take years to overcome. I lived in an abusive marriage for nearly five years, and let me tell you, the physical wounds healed much faster than the psychological wounds. It took me years to recover mentally, and there are still times when some of that old life creeps into my new life.
Instead of quoting more statistics, I will tell you a story of a young woman and her struggle to free herself from an abusive relationship and move on with her life in a happier, healthier, and overall good relationship.
In December of 1981, we were married. I had five months of school left, but I was 18 and thought this was the one for me. I realized years later that the abuse started almost immediately after we started dating and continued throughout our marriage. So we will begin with the dating period.
I met him the day school let out my junior year. He was funny and kind of a wild guy, not like anyone I had ever dated. He was a high school dropout, had longer hair, and rode a motorcycle everywhere.
We casually went out a few times, and he always seemed to be super attentive to whatever I wanted. He would bring me flowers and buy me cards and was a little jealous at times but never seemed to be too overly protective. I thought it was great. Then he gave me his class ring to wear.
